YOU are STOOPID!
Opinion by Jim Gerrish
That's according to Domino Sugar, not me! They apparently
think the American Consumer is STOOPID enough to believe their
pure cane granulated sugar is Carbon Free! Oh, picky, picky, if
you go to their Web site they will point out that their
new GREEN sugar is not "Carbon Free" but
"CarbonFreeŽ" and attempt to explain what it all means
in great detail. And if you go to another Web site, Carbonfund.org,
you can see that they are in partnership with a "Carbon
Footprint Con Game" just as bad as the one recently exposed
in Chicago (CCX) but doing business under another
name they hope you won't notice. But Domino Sugar is NOT selling
sugar on the Internet, they sell it in ordinary stores and here's
all you get to see before you make your purchase:
Anyone with a high school education knows that sugar is a carbohydrate, and that means that the
sugar molecule contains carbon.
Anyone who has ever burned a marshmellow at a campfire while
making S'mores knows that the black stuff that forms on the skin
of the marshmellow is proof that carbon is contained within the
sugar molecule. But you are in a supermarket trying to decide
between Domino Sugar and other brands, and far away from your
high school Chemistry book. So you see this label on the package
and the Domino Sugar people hope you will think: "What next!
Someone has figured out a way to make sugar without carbon! I can
save the earth by buying this sugar instead of the other sugar
because, look! The Label has changed color from Blue to Green!
Hug a tree! Hug a Tree!"
And because you are a STOOPID consumer, you fall for their
scam and buy their sugar instead of that lower priced Store Brand
Pure Cane Granulated Sugar sitting right next to it. By the way,
STOOPID is an acronym for "So Tired Of Opposing Politically
Insane Dunces." I'm STOOPID, too. But I bought a bag of
"Domino Green Sugar" just to check it out on the web
and expose it for what I suspected it is.
Now, for those of you who are not STOOPID, but just plain
STUPID, I can offer you a BETTER DEAL on offsetting your carbon
footprint! Send ME the money instead of Carbonfund.org. I'll
offset your carbon footprint for just $20.00 instead of the
$43.68 (minimum) that CarbonFund is going to try to talk you out
of (just see their wonderful calculator to see how much you owe
the world for your damnable carbon footprint, you greedy,
oppressive American consumer!).
For just a flat fee of $20.00, I'll go out and plant a tree
for you because you are too damn lazy to plant a tree for
yourself. I mean, it's really hard work... you have to put a seed
in the ground and water it a little and make sure critters don't
uproot it until it has grown for five or ten years and can fend
for itself. Then it has to grow for thirty or forty years before
you can then chop it down and sell it for firewood or grind it up
into mulch or firepellets. Then you can plant another tree in its
place for your kids or your grandkids to harvest in thirty or
forty years. Or you can send me another $20 if you want me to do
it for you. I'll even send you a certificate certifying that you
are Dumb as a Post for believing that planting a tree satisfies
your obligation to be a responsible grown-up American Citizen and
that you need to be saved and protected from yourself by good old
Uncle Sam.